My name is Sindy.
I’d like to start out our relationship by telling you my story.
I’m about to get real with you. 😉
I’m the oldest of three children, I have a sister 4 years younger and a brother 6 years younger and we come from a pretty normal family. We have had the privilege of growing up with strong family values. We had a mom & dad who loved us and each other very much. They were fortunate enough to be able to celebrate 53 years of marriage before my dad died of cancer.
As kids I can remember them kissing & hugging in the kitchen and of course, as kids, we thought that was disgusting and we would loudly exclaim, “yuuucckkk”!! To which my dad would always come back with his standard reply, “I’ve got a license” and we would all laugh out loud.
But, for me, something seemed to be missing. I was never content, always looking to escape. From what? I didn’t really know, but I was always trying to run away. At 8 years old I convinced my baby sister, who was 4 at the time, to help me pack up our baby doll carriage, sneak out the back door and run away with me. Thank God the neighbors saw us and returned us safely back to our home.
This restlessness was with me all the time, constantly feeling like I should be somewhere else, feeling homesick, even when I was at home. I snuck out of the house many times as a teenager, staying out all night long and then returning very early the next morning in time to get ready for school, if I even went to school, I skipped a lot. No matter how many times I got punished or what methods they used to keep me in, the house or school, I would always escape.
Before the age of 7 we moved around a lot, back and forth between Georgia & Florida. The house we moved into when I was 7 is where I lived until I was 18.
That’s when, in 1982, I got married and was finally able to escape…
or so I thought at the time 😕 …..
My husband & I had only known each other 3 months before we got married. Needless to say there were a lot of growing pains (This is probably a good time to mention that we have been married for 35 years at the time of this post). We had so many up’s & down’s. Many times I left & came back, at one point we got divorced, we were separated for a year, lived together for 13 and then remarried. Drugs, alcohol & infidelity were huge contributors to our issues.
We never stayed in one place longer than 2 years, some places only a couple of months, some places only a couple of weeks. There were MANY challenges & changes and I had to learn how to get through them all.
In 2000 we made the BIG decision to move away from the place we were born & raised and move to a completely different environment. My husband’s parents bought 11 acres of property in the country. We were asked if we would move into my husband’s grandma’s house and help out with taking care of her. In exchange we could live there rent free. We jumped at the chance, packed up and moved away from the city and into the woods.
It was NOT a pleasant experience!!
We lived there for 7 1/2 years and from the very first day, to the very last day I was miserable. We had been so blinded by the opportunity to get away from our reality, that we missed some red flags. We didn’t realize how bad of shape the trailer we were moving into was in, we weren’t informed that “grandma” had been diagnosed with Alzheimer or that my mother-in-law, who, at the time, worked right around the corner from home, would quit her job and get a new one an hour away, right after we moved in. I literally cried everyday for the first 3 years.
BUT, I did learn a lot about change from that experience.
Death was a very big part of that period of my life. When we moved there we had a very beloved dog, Burny, who, after only 3 months of living there was hit by a car and died. My cat, Maxie, who I had for many years prior to moving there, was taken away by a hawk & my husband’s grandmother had a collie, Teddy, who was hit by a car right in front of us. My father-in-law had a running farm, which meant a lot of death from predators, old age or accidents, my husband had to dig a lot of holes.
And that’s just the animals…
In November, 2005 one of my uncles, with whom I was very close, died. I spent that Thanksgiving in the hospital with him & his family. In February 2006 another very close uncle died, suddenly and then in June 2006 my father-in-law was diagnosed with cancer and died that August. It was a very painful time in my life, tears are welling up as I write this.
BUT, it also taught me some very important lessons about change.
My parents had sold their house and decided to go on the road full time in their motorhome. They had been on the road for a while when we offered for them to set up their home base on our property. They set up a huge RV port and parked an older RV underneath for storage and traveled in the newer one.
It was a pretty sweet setup….UNTIL…Christmas 2007…
Ever since I can remember our family tradition has been to celebrate Christmas on Christmas eve with my mom’s side of the family. But, in 2007 my parents decided to make my aunt’s (my mom’s sister) childhood dream come true. She had always wanted to see the Tournament of Roses parade in person, so, they spent Christmas that year in California. With everything going on in my life at the time I just couldn’t take it any longer and I ran away, AGAIN!
I left my husband & parents behind and moved in with my sister. I had had it with life at this point. My husband was having trouble dealing with his dad’s death, I was having a difficult time dealing with the deaths in my own family and I missed my father-in-law very much too, we were very close. We didn’t have any money, there were serious issues with the trailer we were living in and with my parents being out of town, I had no one to talk to about my situation, so I packed up everything (at the time I had two parrots with huge cages) and I left while my husband was at work (I should also mention that I tried to talk to him about how I was feeling, to no avail, he literally said, “If you don’t like it, then, get the f**k out”, so I did).
I was only gone a couple of months when my husband and I decided we couldn’t live without each other and we sold our property back to his mom and moved to a town where my husband had worked before. We had always said that if we moved away again we would move to this town. So, in February 2008 we moved into the house we are still currently living in.
The living conditions we had just come from had left us with a huge amount of debt. We had been living off of credit cards for almost 2 years before we moved away and now we were faced with a big dilemma, try to pay them all off or go bankrupt. We had been keeping up with them pretty good, but there were times we were late with the payment and our interest kept going up and then the added late fees, there was no way we would be able to pay them all back. The truth is, we had paid them back the original amount, but the penalties & interest were killing us, so we decided to file for bankruptcy in 2009.
From 2008 to 2012 I was a research addict. I had found out about Google & I researched everything I could find out about our food system, our money system, our healthcare system, our education system & the religious system. I read the Biblical apocrypha & the pseudepigrapha. I read about ancient cultures & eastern philosophy. I became fascinated with astrology, archeology & sacred geometry, It all started coming together right before my eyes.
I’d like to make it clear that back in 2008, when I started researching online, the internet was a whole lot different than it is today. It was easier to find out the facts about things. There is a lot of stuff I can’t find anymore that I wished I had saved. 😕
Then I stumbled upon 2 books that really helped me a lot, “Beyond the Himalayas” & “Yoga of the Christ“. Around this same time I had also found out about quantum physics. I didn’t really understand any of it at first, but I knew it was something I needed to learn, so, I just kept reading & studying, over & over again, until I got it and became obsessed with electromagnetic energy.
During this same time period I was doing a lot of soul searching, a lot of inner work. All this research was helping me learn some deep insights about myself and the ideas & believes I had about myself and the world. I will admit it took me down a very dark, depressing rabbit hole, my husband and I were fighting a lot and, yes, I RAN!
But, of course, I came back and decided….
In 2012 I would put pen to paper and wrote a book called “Balanced Energy, Balanced Life“. It’s a cute little book I wrote about the energy centers in our bodies, matching the days of the week with these different energy centers. And, truthfully, that’s how I live my life even today. But I’ve learned so much more since I wrote that book, it seems out of date now.
Around 2012 I also learned about Nassim Haramein. He has spent over 30 years researching and discovering connections in physics, mathematics, geometry, cosmology, quantum mechanics, biology, chemistry, as well as anthropology and ancient civilizations. His work brings together all the subjects that are dear to my heart. I think I watched every YouTube video there is on him. He was speaking my language!
I would love to say at this point that everything just fell into place and I went on to live happily ever after, but that’s not the case….
From the last part of 2012 until May of 2013, when my dad died, my family went through hell dealing with his cancer. It was such a roller coaster ride of up’s & down’s, thinking he had beat it, then finding out it had spread to his whole body. He was so optimistic the whole time, it was heartbreaking.
With everything I had learned about life and then the death of my father, I fell into a black hole & went into a deep depression. I had just started to reinvent myself when all this was going on and that was very hard on my relationships with, not only my husband, but also my family. I didn’t know where I fit in, my husband didn’t know who this new person was, I was coming out of my shell and he didn’t know how deal with it, which brought on a lot more fighting.
Sooooo, I ran on and off for pretty much all of 2014…
But, by 2015 all the running had left me feeling exhausted and I felt like I was getting too old for it and I hit rock bottom. I felt alienated by my family, my friends and my husband and I just went into hibernation for over a year. I call it my year of healing.
At the time I was researching about the food system, I also did a lot of research on eco villages. There’s an online listing of eco villages from all over the world and at one point I thought I would just run away and go live in one. One of these was located in Costa Rica and I thought it sounded like heaven. I kept researching them on and off until one day I decided to contact them. I quickly became friends with lady who runs the place and we corresponded with each other regularly. At this point I was so ready to sell all my possessions, get rid of anything that held me down and move to Costa Rica to remove myself from society.
But, then, I realized…
That sounded easier than it really was. With six animals, a husband that wasn’t as excited about that prospect as I was and the unappealing idea of leaving my family behind, I knew that I needed to do something more realistic. So in October of 2016 I went on a personal quest to visit my friend in Costa Rica, with whom I had only known online. I had never flown before and I had never done anything by myself, ever! I had to really face some of my deepest, darkest fears. I got on that plane, went to a country where I didn’t speak the language, exchanged my money, got a cab to the bus station, took a 2 1/2 hour ride to the nearest town to my friends house, then another 1/2 hour ride out to my friends farm in the Costa Rican mountains. It was the scariest, most wonderful thing I have ever done in my life!
I returned from that trip a much more confident, happy, relaxed person. I promised myself and my husband that I would never run away again and to this day I have kept that promise.
Today is Thanksgiving 2017. At this point all the pieces of my life are falling together and here I am bearing my soul to you to show you all the changes and challenges I have had to conquer in my life. I have struggled, just like you are now. These last 4 years have been my most healing. I have slowly built a new life. I have put together the steps and have built my path to wellness, brick by brick. I feel so much more grounded now and I definitely don’t feel the need to run any more.
I have come up with this program through blood, sweat & tears and now I want to share it with you.
If you want to change your whole life or are:
- Trying to loose weight
- In financial trouble
- Getting a divorce
- Getting married
- Having a baby
- Getting ready to head out on your own
- Trying to get over a death in your family